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(no subject) [Feb. 9th, 2009|09:13 am]
I will probably not post here again.
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(no subject) [Dec. 17th, 2005|07:46 pm]
Recently, an ex and I began speaking. We hashed out what went wrong with our relationship. We talked for several days. I decided to not pursue anything with her and told her so directly.

Three nights later I arranged a date at a nearby restaurant with someone else. Although I wasn't looking forward to it, I was on my way there when my phone rang. It was my ex. I instinctively answered. She called because she had driven past me on the road. She turned around and I got in her car, abandoning my date.

She drove to my place and said she had no time to socialize. She was house sitting and her friend's dogs will shit everywhere if they're not walked. We made plans for the following night and we both decided to talk and possibly more.

The next night she worked extra hours and needed to get up early; she didn't have time for anything. We agreed we both had time the following night and remade our plans.

That night came but not a word from her. It wasn't until then I realized what happened the night she picked me up outside of that restaurant: she didn't have time to hang out because she had to go walk her friends dogs or they'd shit everywhere; she didn't want to have to clean up dog shit. Her choice was between me and dogshit; she chose dogshit.
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(no subject) [Nov. 21st, 2005|05:19 pm]
The object of my obsession
a spreading mental infection
you are another reflection
of my false sense of rejection
with the bliss of a connection
drowned in my projection

Though we can stand here
and I can look you in the eye
I won't tell you what I'm thinking
I'm afraid you'll say goodbye

I know you see me smiling
its the love I feel inside
with the person I've created
living out a heart-shaped lie

In time my thoughts grow weary
I decide to cross the line
I'm going to make this real
or at least give it try

The moment came to take the blame
I threw away my pride
I complimented you exquisitely
and welcomed you inside

I found you too had made someone to serve your desire
but unfortunately it was not me you chose to admire

Though you were never there it feels like you are gone
My fantasy was real to me, now I know I am alone.
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(no subject) [Nov. 13th, 2005|11:31 am]


You will be missed.
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illfigja [unplugged] [Nov. 9th, 2005|11:01 pm]
An incomplete short story of actual events recorded subjectively during the time before during and after hurricane wilma

I DON'T USE CUTS SO FUCK OFF. dont like it? DELETE ME

Three weeks ago I was working and going to school nearly full time. I was enjoying the new transmission in my car. I was looking forward to seeing Nine Inch Nails on Monday, October twenty fourth. I was also looking forward to hurricane Wilma granting me a day off; though I was hoping it wouldn't interfere with school and the NIN concert. As the day of the concert grew closer, the predictions for the storm had it and NIN her eat the same time. I was also concerned about making it to work at Five in the morning the next day; followed by a ninety minute work-out and four hours of class. Tuesday, A friend who comes into the gym had shown me a work out method that I had only tried twice and had immediate results. It was exciting and motivating. I was looking forward to sticking with this routine as long as possible. I felt productive. My life was organized and functioning with the efficiency of a machine.

After leaving work Friday, I decided to cash my paycheck, head home, then go back out to Seth's place for the evening. On the way home I noticed the car was running hot and I kept an eye on it until I arrived. I spent about an hour inside, then went to take a look at the car. I lifted the hood and found the water reserve empty. I felt the radiator cap and it wasn't hot. I carefully removed it, thinking it might still pop, and found a dry radiator. Somewhat baffled, I take the obvious step of adding water. I then start the car to see if the water level would go down. It did and I added more water. Then I took off to Seth's.

The hurricane was extending over five hundred miles to create a grey sky and sporadic down pours. Two exits from Seth's, the car began to lose speed and the engine was coughing. I knew to pull over and as I did the car continually lost speed. I made it off the interstate and onto Stirling road looking for somewhere to park. The first option was an adult video store (not somewhere I'd like to tell someone I'm stuck at) so I opted for the second which was a bank. I pulled into the parking lot and quickly moved towards the first available spot. As I turned in I noticed both people in the adjacent spots parked crooked and I might not fit. I hit the brakes to stop so I could maneuver in and the car stalled, never to start again.

So there I stood in the rain; my car blocking the entrance to this bank just before Five p.m. on Friday. I considered a few options then decided to call Seth and get a tow truck to take the car and me back to Pompano to the mechanic I frequent. Not ten minutes after I called, a tow truck pulls in and parks sideways in the rear of the bank. I didn't think it was mine but thought to go have a word with the driver. I asked him for a tow and offered him $100 cash and he declined saying it's his truck, not a tow truck. He went in the bank for about fifteen minutes then came out and asked me about the car. The conversation quickly turned into him trying to educate me on how engines are built, the uselessness of vacuums, why "fan hubcaps" increase performance and how I could get another 1.7 horse power out of my 1990 mazda 626. I humored him in hopes of acquiring some insight or help in my debacle. He offered neither and gave me a vague diagnosis on my problem that ignored empirical evidence and the car history I've told him.

Once the actual tow truck arrived, the driver decided to take a look at the car before towing it. He gave me a vague diagnosis of my problem that ignored empirical evidence and the car history I've told him. He tried several tricks and nothing worked so we loaded the car onto the truck and headed off.

The cab of his truck reeked of McDonald's food. He was listening to Disturbed; I guessed it was the new album and I was correct. He offered me a Newport and I refused.

The trip was made tolerable only by the music. The northbound traffic was backed up from it being Friday rush hour combined with the threat of a hurricane over the weekend. The driver wasn't much for conversation and I suspected through his behavior, his dirty teeth, and from the smell of the smoke, that his cigarettes were coated with cocaine or meth. I sat quietly through the ride, enjoyed the music and realized my car is likely fubared.

The car was delivered to the shop and I'm told to expect a call the next day, Saturday. The call told me the motor was fucked. They explained I would have to wait until Monday or Tuesday, depending on the hurricane, to get an estimate. This was terrible news. The grim realities resulting from this begin to set in. I just spent two thousand dollars on this car that isn't worth one thousand. I don't have another two thousand to spend on a motor. This means the weekend will be spent at the house. Monday, if there is work, I don't have a way to get there. I don't have a way to school either, or the NIN concert.

Being twenty-five years old, living back with the parents, with no car, no job and a college drop out was not an option. I thought of squatting in a vacant apartment next to Seth and getting a job somewhere around there; it's much easier to get to school from there. I thought of moving in with several people in other cities who've offered me somewhere to go. I was dazed by how the life I had been living was at an end and through no fault of my own; not because I was fired, flunked out, or wrecked my car. The fucking car had broke. What a weenie way to go out.

When I came home from the shop Friday, I went straight for a pain killer and some pot; which I hadn't smoked in ten months and loathe doing so. I wasn't going to sit around the house stirring all weekend. I was stuck there so I was making the best of it. Now I was looking forward to the hurricane as something to do and hoping it might work to my advantage with my car. The estimates were saying the storm would get here Monday. It would be weak by the time it reached here but strong enough to cause cancellations for work and school. The predictions also claimed it would be fifty-five degrees after the storm passed. Part of me was still hoping of ways the NIN concert wouldn't be canceled AND I could find a way there and back and possibly make it to work and school the next day. I was hoping the storm would hit Sunday or Tuesday, leaving a window for this concert I've been waiting ten years to see.

Sunday afternoon, my stepfather, who recently had a kidney removed, began feeling dizzy and asked to be taken to the hospital. They took some tests and admitted him saying his sodium was low and his white cell count was up.

Sunday evening was a warm, humid closing to a typical overcast south Florida summer day; no rain and very calm. I went to sleep around nine thirty p.m. looking forward to another day off and a storm.

About four thirty a.m., I awoke to the sound of wind gusts and took a piss. I noticed the cable was off before falling back asleep. By six the wind was so loud I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. By now the power was off and my mother was awake watching a four inch black and white battery powered television. I looked out of the living room window and saw the wind had already knocked over a palm tree and the neighbors fence. My folks garden was literally ripped apart. By eleven, after about six hours of this, the news told us the local water had been polluted and the worst was yet to come.

I realized this wasn't going to be like the last dozen or so storms we've gotten. I had some coffee and smoked a few joints as I watched the storm through the window and on the television. Pompano was set to get the worst of it, including the eye. The winds sped up faster than anything I've seen or heard in a storm. Reports came in of gusts at one hundred and thirty-eight miles per hour. The sound of the wind was like an airplane or a train. I could look outside and see the eye wall.

After the eye passed the winds were ferocious. Constant winds of one hundred and twenty miles per hour with gusts up to who knows what for nearly 2 hours. The front door was popping back and forth with force. There were sounds of objects hitting the house. The eight foot tall concrete pillars that hold up the carport were ripped from the ground during the big gusts that came under the carport; causing the whole structure to wave like a flag. A palm tree that fell on the west side of our chainlink fence during the first part of the storm had rolled over to the north side of the fence from the wind.

The reports on the television were lying about the seriousness of the storm! They said Pompano was experiencing "tropical storm to category one force winds" when the lesser part of the storm already had those numbers beat. My mother was freaking out over the carport. My cellphone was almost dead and the signal became weaker until it was gone. I was now stuck in a home that was falling apart with no electricity, phone or water and no way to leave. I was worried these winds might pick up some more and cause serious damage to the house when I had no way of getting to a car. What started as a fun hurricane that was messing stuff up quickly turned into a dangerous situation.

By one p.m. the winds died off enough to take a walk outside. The neighborhood was a mess. There were power lines, utility poles, street lights, and trees of all kinds down, blocking the way and laying on houses and cars. There were houses missing chunks of their roofs. Random crap from the neighborhood was scattered everywhere. One of the pillars holding up the carport here had fallen down against the house. A neighbors porch had collapsed in-front of her door. The traffic signals on the main road were laying on the ground in pieces. The road signs were bent, ripped apart and laying about. This is how every inch of hundreds of square miles looked. This storm was severely underestimated and it became obvious that it would take awhile for things to return to normal.

A few hours passed and the wind, still strong, weakened and the sky cleared. There was no rain with this storm, however the water caught up with the strong wind was dried by the weaker wind. The air was dry and cool. There were reports on the east coast of damage from the keys to Martin County. Although the storm hit the west coast first, somehow the east coast suffered the storm. Early estimates had over three million people without power and water. A large portion of the streets were impassable. What I thought, what the people here thought, what we were told was going to be a usual brush by a hurricane, turned into a disaster.

The sun was shining bright, alone in the sky. It was about sixty-five degrees now. The day began a summers night, progressed into a typhoon and ended a cool Autumn evening. I was eating canned and dry food while watching images of the wrecked city on the television and trying to stay warm. As the sun set, the stars shined brighter than they have here in over half a century due to the complete power outage. There was a curfew in effect from seven to seven so whatever could be done had to be done in that short window. Although the storm had caused much damage to homes, cars, shops, utilities and trees, and left millions to live like cavemen under military rule, the weather was as good as it gets.

The next day I, and millions of others, really didn't know what to do. We were looking for answers for why we weren't told this storm was going to be this bad and when our power would be back and where can we get food and water and gasoline. Wal-mart, a few grocery stores, a gas station on the Turnpike and some FEMA drops were the extent of what was available. The lines were maddening. Four hours was considered a short wait. The television and radio were, and still are as I write this, plagued with propaganda about sticking together and being patient. The dates coming in for electricity were four weeks away. That's four weeks of cold showers, BBQing everything IF we could find charcoal, no computer, no a/c, limited phone access, no music, no movies, no internet, finding ice each day to keep coolers with meat, dairy and some drinks, going through dozens of batteries everyday IF the stores that were open still had batteries. This was going to suck. As rebellious as I am and as much as I've wished for destruction, I began to see the value in these spoils.

My stepfather was released from the hospital in the early afternoon. The hospital was running on generators and wanted to return everyone they could home. The five mile trip to the hospital offered many obstacles in the way of missing traffic signals, trees, falling and fallen utility poles, power lines in the street, a few collapsed buildings, and aluminum siding and billboards blocking the way.

School was canceled indefinitely and so was my work, since I work literally on the beach.Another night eating canned food with no power and being stuck here with no car wasn't appealing. I wanted to see more of the town and get loaded since there was literally nothing else to do. I decided to head out and see what I could find and where I could end up.

I walked down US1 for some miles and thought of ways to get to Hollywood. There were no buses running. Gas stations were filling up with hope lines which were blocking traffic on roads already littered with troubles. I walked to my old neighborhood and talked to a few acquaintances. I mentioned needing a ride and no one was interested. I said a few goodbyes and headed back to the main road. Along the way I ran into the only taxi I had seen. I asked if he was working and he said yes, although most weren't because there's no gas. I hopped in and made my way to Hollywood, not knowing if anyone I knew would be there since my phone was dead and there were no working cellphone towers anyway, and the only working pay phones had lines.

I arrived in Hollywood at dusk. I went to Seth's place to find he wasn't there. I headed over to this guy Kenny's place and found him there with his girlfriend, awaiting Seth. They were sitting in the rear of the duplexes where he lived, on-top of utility poles and power lines, BBQing steak, chicken, sausage and pork. He invited me to join them and offered me some rum. Seth showed up shortly after and we spent the night talking and gazing at the black, moonless sky, over looking a dead city that was only briefly illuminated by the flickering blue lights of the police cars roaming the streets, enforcing the curfew.

I knew when I went down there I had no formal place to stay. The vacant apartment next to Seth was my only indoor option. I made my way in and saw there was a gas stove! This offered me the ability to cook and heat the apartment. I turned on the two front burners and immediately fell asleep on the filthy, piss stained mattress in this slightly furnished apartment.

The next morning, which was now Wednesday, I woke early made my way to a nearby store in hopes of coffee and something to eat. By now, there were gas lines, some at closed gas stations like this one, that were miles long. No electricity or hope for it. No meat or dairy available. Just Little Debbie cakes and warm drinks. I went back to Seth's and spent the day with him. He had an adapter that lets you plug something that plugs into the wall into a car lighter so I was able to get a charge on my phone; although finding a signal was still a mission. Calling around, mostly I reached voice mails, otherwise it was the endless ring. The few people I did talk to, either they were in the same situation as me or they had almost no idea what was going on.

Assuming I'd be in Hollywood for awhile, I bartered with Seth for a ride to Pompano so I could get a few things. On the way, the gas line on the turnpike was three miles in either direction. People were pushing their cars up overpasses and waiting over nine hours. Once we got off the turnpike, a tree some workers had gotten mostly out of the road except for one branch that stuck out slightly higher than the roof of the car. When we drove under the branch it smacked Seth's antenna and knocked the ornament off. He decided to turn around and get it. When we came back to the spot, I jumped out of the car and went to put it back on the antenna when Seth said it wasn't his. I looked around more and found about 5 others laying about, including his. I put his back on and threw the others in the car and we continued to Pompano.

Once there I gathered a few key items, some clean clothes and some perishables. On the return trip we picked up ice, liquor and some other necessities. We went back to Kenny's and had a repeat of the night before until Seth and I caused enough trouble and Kenny told us to leave. I went back to the vacancy and laid down hoping to pass out as the rum and tequila coursed through my veins. Shortly after laying down Seth and this Puerto Rican we call a Samoan, Alex, came by and tried to wake me up by breaking the windows in the front of the apartment. I ignored them and once they left I turned the gas stove up more to compensate for the lack of windows.

The morning was a repeat of the morning prior until Kenny showed up to drag Seth off to help remove some trees from his bosses yard. Once they left this day took shape of a long and boring wait. Seth's girlfriend left to go stand in a Fema line and I spent the day wandering about Hollywood in search of.. whatever. By mid afternoon I was ready for a change of environment. I wasn't looking forward to drinking another day and there was no push towards doing anything else there so I started formulating something else to do. Still no public transportation, I called a cab and was told there's none in my area and the wait is indefinite. I called again and ordered a second cab, neither came. Bored with the day I decided to lay down and nap some time away. Shortly after Seth returned and we scored some pot and found a few shops with electricity on a nearby main road. We also found an open chinese restaurant and decided it was worth the wait, which only turned out to be about thirty minutes. Back at Seth's, we ate chinese, smoked pot then briefly went to Kenny's again, although nothing was happening that night. We went back to Seth's, smoked more pot then I silently left and went next door and fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up and went back to the Marathon Gas station, which still wasn't pumping gas, for breakfast. On the way back A taxi passed by and I went to a pay phone and called the number. This time the taxi would arrive within the hour. I attempted to wake Seth to tell him I'm leaving and get my eighth of pot and some food but he wasn't answering his door. Knowing having the cab was more valuable than the food and pot, i left it behind and took off before they woke up.

I was going back to Pompano. As much as being stuck with the parents at home with no car sucked, I wouldn't have to go broke in a week staying there. The cab took me to my mother's work where I would saunter around for six hours until she was off.

I stayed in Pompano after that. Saturday, October 29, I was able to take the bus to work and help with some clean up and get in a work out. The next week I spent each day waking up around nine a.m., hunting for something clean to wear, washing the four key areas in the sink, and going to the gym. School was canceled all this week, too. I had some great workouts and conversations with the people I work with, the members at the gym, the people who work nearby and the people I encountered on the beach. As passe and sentimental as it sounds, we were all in the same situation one way or the other, and most of us were mature and caring towards one another. I wouldn't say a sense of unity or community will come of this, at least on a large scale; I'm saying it was pleasant to be around people who were filled with empathy, caring, forgiveness and responsibility.

Ten days later our electricity was back. Seventeen days later the internet is back and I'm posting this. My car is likely beyond my desire to repair. This week I've been on the bus four hours a day commuting to school. Going from waking up at four a.m., drinking expensive coffee in the morning while sitting on the beach chatting with the bourgeoisie to waking up about ten a.m. and sitting on the bus trying not to vomit while you're surrounded by old men missing limbs who don't bathe and piss themselves frequently, so I can get to school, is a definite contrast. No, it isn't fun; but its ok because I love school. I'm still working at the gym, only part-time now. I was growing tired of that early morning schedule anyway. This works out well in some ways. Im sure everything I've mentioned will work out in the end.
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(no subject) [Oct. 23rd, 2005|03:12 pm]
Politics are the male version of tabloids and are equally as important. OMFG BRAD AND ANGELINA! OMFG BUSH AND CONDOLEEZA! Politics is also like D & D except instead of goblins and trolls theres Senators and Congressmen. Polics are the flag of cowards; in action or inaction with the latter being the worse. I say worse because inaction is cowardice and fear. Sitting in a room viewing dis and partial information and forming opinions as if Foxnews, CNN, BBC and the newspaper are the same as being in the heads of these politicians or in the room as they debate shows a fierce ignorance that encompasses the entirety of this persons being. Otherwise, the airchair politician admits they don't have proper information and what they say is thus inaccurate and completely void of any usefulness towards the issues they're addressing. Either is absurdly pathetic.
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The Royal We [Oct. 23rd, 2005|10:53 am]
We paint ourselves on a moldy and torn canvas that adequately displays how we've spent our time
Our wants and needs are beg-you-pleases and sugar for our eyes
We let them sour with fear and the bitterness makes me scream out and cry

She yields her life with an iron fist and tramples mine with pride
While I lay in her shadow and hide
All of our could-bes die

There's no one hiding inside me, in fact, there's no one here at all
The last place I saw myself was in you
Now you're gone, too

If she was who I wanted her to be
If she knew how I had drawn her out and in
Maybe she wouldn't have tossed us aside
This time
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(no subject) [Oct. 22nd, 2005|03:49 pm]
illfigja: do you know what time it is
lillysmoonfl: 3:40
lillysmoonfl: it was 3:31 when you asked
lillysmoonfl: i wish i felt either better or worse
lillysmoonfl: im right on the edge of feeling sick and i HATE that
illfigja: yes thats horrible
illfigja: and you had the time wrong
lillysmoonfl: oh what time is it then?
illfigja: 4:20
lillysmoonfl: it can be 4:20 anytime i suppose
illfigja: well it is now
illfigja: this weekend is fucked
illfigja: so be it
illfigja: between my car
illfigja: this storm
illfigja: school and work being closed
illfigja: ill be damned if im going to be the only thing in ft lauderdale that ISNT fucked up
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(no subject) [Oct. 19th, 2005|02:21 am]
In this world which I was born, I have spent my time frustrated and unfulfilled. Happiness is something found within and I found happiness long ago. I've had various beliefs regarding my purpose. I've spent time searching for answers. I've spent time lamenting. I've spent time only surviving. I've spent time attempting to improve my capabilities. I've pursued hedonism. Sadism. Atheism. Christianity. Buddhism. I've acquainted myself with histories great philosophers. I've searched for peace; peace of body and of mind. I've pursued social sciences. I've searched for understanding. I've searched for truth, riches, knowledge, companionship and love. I've hunted and been hunted by time. Reputations won and lost and inescapable. I've confronted my fears. I've attempted communication with equals and unequals. I've tried drugs and sobriety. Rituals and prayer. I've looked for kindred spirits in literature and speech. I've attempted honesty and treachery. I've been myth. I've been legend. I've been invisible to the world and to myself.

What I've found to be consistent, dependable and unavoidable in this world are violence and fear. They are the ultimate powers that conquer all others. Love being the ultimate power is a rumor. Love is strong and can overcome much adversity, but the blind, incommunicable sweeping force of fear and violence yield to no power. All the love in the world is eschewed and trampled upon in a moment of rage and confusion.

I got it now. Ill figured it out. I accept it. You win. Call me home, please. You know where to find me; I'll be in the light, sans sunglasses, offering that squinted smile that's indistinguishable from joy and dissapointment, waiting for the ride; or, perhaps, waiting for the ride to stop.

I suppose you were right all along and that's why this occurred. I apologize. Let's fix this.

Finally, inevitably, indubitably yours.
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(no subject) [Oct. 18th, 2005|10:32 pm]
"Wait a minute.
This goddamn thing is turning us on our heads.
We're gettin' it backwards, man."

"I mean, just because each of us might at any second be blown away, everybody's actin like we can do anything, man.
And it don't matter what we do."

"But I'm thinkin' maybe its the other way around, yano? Maybe the main thing is just the opposite."

"Because we might be dead in the next split second, maybe we gotta be extra careful what we do.
Because maybe it matters more. Jesus, maybe it matters more than we even know."
(Private Eriksson (portrayed by Michael J. Fox), Casualties of War, 1989; written by Daniel Lang)

"Let me tell you people something. You people pay money to see me. You pay money to stand in the building in the presence of greatness. You don't get to touch it. You don't get to talk to it. And you sure as hell don't get to decide the fate of it. Hey, I don't come to where you people work and decide things for you. I don't come to where this guy works and tell him when the fries are done. I don't come to where this chick works and tell her what street corner to stand on. I don't control your jobs. You don't control mine."
Triple H, 9:07 pm Sept 27, 2004

"There comes a time when people get tired of being pushed out of the glittering sunlight of life's July, and left standing amid the piercing chill of an alpine November."
"But I want to tell you this evening that it is not enough for us to talk about love. There is another side called justice. And justice is really love in calculation. Justice is love correcting that which revolts against love."
"When we become victims of fear, it is hard indeed to explain our actions." "And you know the psychologists have a way of saying that if you begin thinking of things strong enough, you can become such a victim of that kind of thing until it becomes a reality to you."
Martin Luther King, Jr; MIA Mass Meeting at Holt Street Baptist Church [5 December 1955] Montgomery, Ala.
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(no subject) [Oct. 16th, 2005|07:08 pm]
Culture tells me my brain is broken because I do not adapt to it. I need drugs to fix my broken brain. Special drugs made in a lab to correct my broken brain.

I can barely stand to write these words. I am so bored of this all I can do to stay awake is drug myself enough to go to sleep. I stay active inbetween enduced comas by searching for a companion. God I don't care to avoid destruction anymore. Face first out of the cannon. The stale heartbeat of exaggerated metaphor pumps the chalk through veins that allow this celebration of vanity to persist through avalanche and storm.

I conquered so much this time and still to no avail. I've searched inward and outward, I've conquered the barrier between sense and dream, I've looked hell square in the eye and felt the numbed fear wither away much like myself.

Long still I endure. Long still I crutch myself into another day. Tomorrow I will still fight for my ideas and overlap this saturated dirt with my dreams until the landscape is smothered by my vision; for the sake of growth or perpetuation, I will conquer.
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(no subject) [Oct. 14th, 2005|02:43 pm]
Sometimes what's smaller is much greater
and some lovers fall for haters
Sometimes the slower are much faster
and the chao's have built the pastors

The sun can be decietful
and the moon can be quite peaceful
Just as the students teach the teachers
and the parish is the preacher

The faithful have their evidence
and believers need their proof
And the facts aren't so appealing
to seekers of the truth

Its where logic can't quite get you
since the nonsense never helped you
And the highest you can get
sinks you to the deepest debts
It's why fortunes cause regret
and the owners are the pets
While the lovers are the fighters
and haters are the writers
And the honest say they're liars
and too much sleep will make you tired

Our regrets all get accepted
thus our hopes are all rejected
So we leave our thoughts behind
to go eat our peace of mind
But our courage is stopped by fear
so we just can't start to heal
But in the end, one thing we know:
that whore Kate Moss does lots of blow
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Madagascar [Oct. 12th, 2005|08:28 pm]
[Active Processi |Guns N' Roses - Chinese Democracy - Madagascar]

I won't be told anymore
That I've been brought down in this storm
And left so far out from the shore
That I can't find my way back, my way anymore
Oh No, I won't be told anymore
That I've been brought down in this storm
And left so far out from the shore
That I can't find my way back, my way anymore

Oh No I... I...

Forgive them that tear down my soul
Bless them that they might grow old
And free them so that they may know
That it's never too late

For The many times would seem like a memory
I've searched and found the ways you used to lure me in
I've found the way or why it had to be mired in denial and so afraid

If we ever find its true
That we had the strength to choose
I'm freed of all the chains we held together

I'm gonna tell you a story
(FBI Agent Monk (portrayed by Badja Djola), Chapter 35-A Razor Sharp Confession-1:40:06; Mississippi Burning, 1988; written by Chris Gerolmo)
Stand up for righteousness!
(Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Why Jesus Called A Man A Fool, (Delivered at Mount Pisgah Missionary Baptist Church, Chicago, Illinois, on 27 August 1967)
What
(Road Prison 36 Captain (portrayed by Strother Martin), Cool Hand Luke, 1967; written by Donn Pearce)
Stand up for justice!
(Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Why Jesus Called A Man A Fool, (Delivered at Mount Pisgah Missionary Baptist Church, Chicago, Illinois, on 27 August 1967)
What
(Road Prison 36 Captain (portrayed by Strother Martin), Cool Hand Luke, 1967; written by Donn Pearce)
Stand up for truth!
(Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Why Jesus Called A Man A Fool, (Delivered at Mount Pisgah Missionary Baptist Church, Chicago, Illinois, on 27 August 1967)
How can a person grow up with all this around them?
(Detective William Somerset (portrayed by Morgan Freeman), Chapter 19; Se7en, 1995; written by Andrew Kevin Walker)
You got to call on that something..
(Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Why Jesus Called A Man A Fool, (Delivered at Mount Pisgah Missionary Baptist Church, Chicago, Illinois, on 27 August 1967)
Where does it come from?
(FBI Agent Alan Ward (portrayed by Willem Dafoe), Chapter 6-"where does it come from, all this hatred?"-00:20:25; Mississippi Burning, 1988; written by Chris Gerolmo)
That can make a way out of no way!
(Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Why Jesus Called A Man A Fool, (Delivered at Mount Pisgah Missionary Baptist Church, Chicago, Illinois, on 27 August 1967)
All this hatred?
(FBI Agent Alan Ward (portrayed by Willem Dafoe), Chapter 6-"where does it come from, all this hatred?"-00:20:25; Mississippi Burning, 1988; written by Chris Gerolmo)
What we've got here is..
(Road Prison 36 Captain (portrayed by Strother Martin), Cool Hand Luke, 1967; written by Donn Pearce)
Fear!
(Detective William Somerset (portrayed by Morgan Freeman), Chapter 19; Se7en, 1995; written by Andrew Kevin Walker)
That power that can make a way out of now no way!
(Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Why Jesus Called A Man A Fool, (Delivered at Mount Pisgah Missionary Baptist Church, Chicago, Illinois, on 27 August 1967)
Failure to communicate
(Road Prison 36 Captain (portrayed by Strother Martin), Cool Hand Luke, 1967; written by Donn Pearce)
I tell ya I seen the lightning crash... I've heard the thunder roll!
(Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Why Jesus Called A Man A Fool, (Delivered at Mount Pisgah Missionary Baptist Church, Chicago, Illinois, on 27 August 1967)
Everybody's acting like we can do anything and it don't matter what we do. Maybe we gotta be extra careful because maybe it matters more than we even know.
(Private Eriksson (portrayed by Michael J. Fox), Casualties of War, 1989; written by Daniel Lang)
Sometimes! ...
(Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Why Jesus Called A Man A Fool, (Delivered at Mount Pisgah Missionary Baptist Church, Chicago, Illinois, on 27 August 1967)
Hatred isn't somethin' you're born with
(Mrs. Pell (portrayed by Frances McDormand); Chapter 29-Mrs. Pell Gives the Vital Information-- 1:29:22; Mississippi Burning, 1988; written by Chris Gerolmo)
I feel discouraged.
(Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Why Jesus Called A Man A Fool, (Delivered at Mount Pisgah Missionary Baptist Church, Chicago, Illinois, on 27 August 1967)
It gets taught
(Mrs. Pell (portrayed by Frances McDormand); Chapter 29-Mrs. Pell Gives the Vital Information-1:29:22; Mississippi Burning, 1988; written by Chris Gerolmo)
Sometimes I feel discouraged
(Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Why Jesus Called A Man A Fool, (Delivered at Mount Pisgah Missionary Baptist Church, Chicago, Illinois, on 27 August 1967)
I felt this fear
(Detective William Somerset (portrayed by Morgan Freeman), Chapter 19 Se7en, 1995; written by Andrew Kevin Walker)
He promised never to leave me! Never to leave me alone! No, never alone.
No, never alone.

(Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Why Jesus Called A Man A Fool, (Delivered at Mount Pisgah Missionary Baptist Church, Chicago, Illinois, on 27 August 1967)
Let's get something straight, alright?
(Agent Rupert Anderson (portrayed by Gene Hackman), Chapter 27-- Ward and Anderson's Frustration -1:24:58; Mississippi Burning, 1988; written by Chris Gerolmo)
Promised never to leave me.
(Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Why Jesus Called A Man A Fool, (Delivered at Mount Pisgah Missionary Baptist Church, Chicago, Illinois, on 27 August 1967)
This whole thing was fucked up.
(Agent Rupert Anderson (portrayed by Gene Hackman), Chapter 27-- Ward and Anderson's Frustration -1:24:58; Mississippi Burning, 1988; written by Chris Gerolmo)
Never to leave me alone.
(Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Why Jesus Called A Man A Fool, (Delivered at Mount Pisgah Missionary Baptist Church, Chicago, Illinois, on 27 August 1967)
All men betray. All lose heart!
(The Leper / Robert the 16th Earl of Bruce (portrayed by Ian Bannen), speaking to his son, Robert the 17th Earl of Bruce in a scene concerning the betrayal Robert the 17th Earl of Bruce committed toward William Wallace; Chapter 15-Lands of Death-2:13:57; Braveheart, 1995; written by Randall Wallace)
I don't want to lose heart!...I want to believe.
(Robert the 17th Earl of Bruce, (portrayed by Angus McFadyen) responding to his father (The Leper / Robert the 16th Earl of Bruce)'s nonchalant attitude toward betrayal; Chapter 15-Lands of Death-2:14:02; Braveheart, 1995; written by Randall Wallace)
Black men and white men Together at the table of brotherhood.
(Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Why Jesus Called A Man A Fool, (Delivered at Mount Pisgah Missionary Baptist Church, Chicago, Illinois, on 27 August 1967)
I have a dream Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty, we're free at last!


I won't be told anymore
That I've been brought down in this storm
And left so far out from the shore
That I can't find my way back, my way anymore

Oh No, I won't be told anymore (If we never find it's true)
That I've been brought down in this storm (That we had the strength to choose)
And left so far out from the shore
That I can't find my way back, my way anymore
(I'm freed of all the chains we held together. Oh no.)

// MUSIC & LYRICS GUNS N' ROSES
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